Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
