If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
