I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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