so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
