Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We need to rekindle our bromance
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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