They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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