just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
