Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
