we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
