his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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