come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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