Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
