Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
