is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize