The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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