somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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