Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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