the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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