You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
