Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need moral support for this bender
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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