At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
