I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i love accidental penises.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
