Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
