Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
