I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
