Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
