cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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