I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
