you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
