I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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