It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
