I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize