Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
