Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
