i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Terrible idea I love it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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