at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
