Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
