Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
