Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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