Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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