Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
