I hope mine doesn't look like that
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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