Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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