I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
