you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
