with your own penis?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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