This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
