So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
