My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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