so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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