I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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