Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
