between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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