life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
