she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
