I can text with my tongue
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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