creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize