And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
