I think I won the penis lottery.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dear god my vagina.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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