dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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