I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize