I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
