I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
