just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
foreskin is a definite game changer
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
