I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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