my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
