Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
